Writing

Answer to reader question

A reader wrote me with a question, but unfortunately left an email address with a typo, so I couldn’t respond. And neither was there a full name. So I’m going to publish the question with any identifying information removed, and my reply as well:

Self-inquiry impasse

Question:

Thanks for this great blog. I stumbled upon your article on Ramana Maharshi's self-enquiry technique that I have been practicing now for about 6 years.

I have read quite a lot on the topic. My journey was triggered by my layman interest in quantum physics which led me to the fascinating question about the very notion of I. Intellectually I understood what the I is not and that is when I stumbled upon the famous “Naan Yaar” / “Who Am I” by Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi.

At the beginning I was surprised by how easily, at an intellectual level, I thought I could grasp Maharshi’s teachings. But now, after many years, I feel like I’m hitting a wall. For almost a year or so I’ve been feeling stuck. The enquiry brings me to this kind of empty space from where for example mental images sprout from. I can “feel” the space in which the mental image of another person appears, for example. But if I follow the rule you shared then as I’m aware of this emptiness, this could not be the source of the I.

Can you help me find out how to continue the enquiry and go beyond this emptiness of which I’m aware?

Answer: Nice to hear from you. Sure -- you are indeed aware of the emptiness. So what is the light by which you know the emptiness? Focus your attention on that light. Don't worry about 'going beyond' it.

At every moment, at every second, you are aware. So the "I" which is aware... of that 'empty space' or of anything else, right? Direct your attention there. What is that? You know the obvious, clear fact that "I am aware of..." What is that fact? Pay attention, and keep looking with great curiosity and intensity inward. Because the fact of your awareness is clear, but when you look for it it is a puzzle what it is. But look anyway.

Do this continuously -- that is the key. At every thought or feeling or anything that comes up -- every waking moment -- redirect your attention to the fact that "I am aware of it." Whatever that fact is, you know it intuitively. Direct your inward gaze there curiously, openly, seeking it.

And any time you think you have it, look at what you've got in your hands. Is it not a thought, feeling, etc.? That can't be it. You are aware of that. So re-direct your attention again.

So put all your focus there, searching, looking inward to that direct knowledge of your own awareness... discarding anything that you think it is. Do this continuously, relentlessly… until your eyes are opened.

Enlightenment is the destruction of an unconscious misconception

What is liberation or enlightenment about, fundamentally? It is not about an experience, no matter how sublime. It is about the questioning and destruction of an unconscious and unexamined assumption.

Our mental life is full of unconscious ideas. It is not a mute, mechanical, flesh biology.

It is a structure made out of ideas.

The root of these ideas is the idea of the “I.”

Normally, for most people, this root idea goes unexamined. The tools aren’t even there to think about why one would examine it, what it would mean to examine it.

The great mystical philosophies of the world have provided those tools. The assumption of the I is brought up, out of the unconscious, and articulated, and investigated.

Expressing the concept, thinking it, and then seeing to what it relates in one’s experience — this is the process that goes on in the intellect, but goes beyond it. It employs logic, but goes beyond it. It uses words, but ends in silence.

The investigation of the unconscious web of beliefs that make up the mind… this is the work of liberation, and it is the crowning glory of that very same work that also has operated throughout the arts and sciences, throughout more academic philosophy, throughout psychoanalysis, and throughout human thought as a whole.

it is also why no experience, no matter how mind-blowing, can complete its work. Ultimately thinking alone can unravel thinking and reveal the splendor within which thinking lies.

Recommended books for seekers of enlightenment

This will be a running, updated list of books (other than my own, of course) I recommend for spiritual seekers. It’s broken into categories. Please feel free to contact me with comments or suggestions, or put them in the comment area below. (updated as of June 22, 2019 — added Song of the Avadhut)

 

Advaita

Advaita refers to the “nondual” school of spirituality in Hinduism — that is, the seeming separation between yourself and the world, yourself and others, and so on — is illusory, and this illusion can be burned through. My approach is fundamentally based on advaita.

My book provides a nice overall framework for thinking about enlightenment as a whole, I think. It’s both an introduction and a practice manual.

The Gita, as the discourse that the incarnation of God, Krishna, makes to the warrior Arjuna on the battlefield, is the most influential text for spiritual seekers in the advaita tradition (and Hinduism as a whole), and for good reason. It is both the beginning and the end, containing the entire range of teachings for both beginners and masters. It is the site of the greatest amount of commentary, and it contains endless counterintuitive riches.

I like the Sargeant translation for being more exact and providing extensive word-by-word translations, and I like the Tapasyananda translations for giving the classic advaita understandings of the meaning.

Short, essential, and amazing, though the dialogues below are even more important. I’d read the translation in here of “Vivekachudamani” (Sankara’s “the Crest Jewel of Knowledge”) if you want to get a wonderful traditional introduction to advaita vedanta through the perspective of one of its greatest sages.

Talks With Sri Ramana Maharshi
By Munagala Venkataramana

The greatest set of dialogues from the supreme Hindu sage of the 20th century. I re-read three and perhaps four times during my last year of inquiry. Reading them is itself a reprogramming of the dualistic mind.

The Yoga Vasistha - I recommend the Concise version by Venkatesananda as a start. A very long, unabridged version is available on the web, and is not translated nearly as well, but if you can’t get enough of this fabulous book, turn to it, especially the last volumes (part VI 2A and beyond), which go beyond the sections in the Concise Yoga Vasistha.

The Ashtavakra Gita is a short and very powerful dialogue on the deep nature of the Self. It takes place between a wise man, Ashtavakra, and a king, Janaka, both of whom are enlightened.

I like the translation by Bart Marshall, which can be found in his The Perennial Way, but it isn’t perfect, and I’d supplement with this free version by Ananda Wood.

A long gorgeous nondual text that will reprogram your mind. It is the teaching of the sage Ribhu of the heart of Vedanta to his disciple.

The Avadhut is a kind of wandering spiritual spiritual master, free from the need for all material pleasures, able to be happy with almost nothing. This book, is a short, poetic work where the Avadhut reflects on the Self and its meaning.

Unchanging? Changing? Neither is the truth.

Purposeless? Purposeful? Neither is the truth.

If only the Self is perceived: that is the truth.

Why lament, then, O mind? I’m the same Self in all.

The Brhadaranyaka Upanisad With the commentary of Sankaracarya
By Sankaracarya - Translated by Swami Madhavananda

A dense, mysterious, difficult to comprehend, and academic text in many ways — it is nevertheless the greatest of the Upanishads — the ancient Hindu texts that are the origin of Vedanta — with a commentary by the greatest Vedantic systematizer, Adi Sankara. Only for students with a serious interest in the history and philosophy of Vedanta.

Other spirituality

A gorgeous, subtle direct pointing at the nondual truth. Reminds me of a Buddhist version of the Ashtavakra Gita. Short and mind-blowing, but not easy.

The most beautiful Taoist text. Profound, witty, brilliant. The first seven chapters are key; the writing after that is by disciples rather than the master, and is not as good.

The other great Taoist text. Short, deep. I’m a fan.

Psychoanalysis and psychology

I’m a huge fan of psychoanalysis (which is not the same as therapy generally) for purifying the mind and dealing with mental obstacles to the search.

The best way to learn about psychoanalysis is enter into psychoanalysis! Google a local psychoanalytic institute and contact them for a referral. There are low-fee options available. If you have trouble, contact me.

That said, if you really want to learn about psychoanalysis from books, here are a couple of places to start. It’s a whole universe, and the books can be quite difficult to digest.

Freud and Beyond: A History of Modern Psychoanalytic Thought
By Stephen A. Mitchell, Margaret J. Black

Probably the best single-volume introduction to psychoanalysis. You can led it lead you to further resources.

The Fifty-Minute Hour
By Robert Lindner

A ton of fun, these short stories give you a very entertaining taste (but just a taste!) of what analysis may be like through a series of little case studies.

Focusing
By Eugene T. Gendlin

This is the closest work I’ve seen in psychology to the idea I have of metaphorization: that is, the translation of “what it is like” to experience something into artistic, verbal, or symbolic expression. Focusing is not exactly the same, but it’s similar enough to be helpful.

It’s a self-help book, and a good one.

Studies on Hysteria (Basic Books Classics)
By Joseph Breuer, Sigmund Freud

The Freudian universe is large, and this, one of his earliest works, almost a set of little detective stories investigating various patients’ strange symptoms, is a delightful beginning.

If you’re hooked, keep reading Freud. It’s the adventure of a lifetime.

Literature

Swann's Way
By Marcel Proust

This is the first of six volumes of In Search of Lost Time, one of the longest and certainly one of the greatest novels ever written. ISolT is not spiritual in the usual non-dual sense in which we use it on this website, but it is spiritual in a broader sense. It is a profound meditation on human nature and romantic love, on the power of art, on the aesthetic beauty and bliss that runs throughout all of existence. It helped me understand the power of unearthing my own perspective as a way of understanding myself and making meaning by expressing that perspective.

It requires concentration and time, but it is extraordinarily beautiful and wise.

The Ultimate Guide to Ramana Maharshi's Self-Inquiry

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This is a guide to an extraordinary spiritual method, and one that I hope to keep updated with new questions and advice for seekers.

Jump directly to the Frequently Asked Questions.


Introduction

So what’s this all about? Self-inquiry is the tip of a spear — as I use it here, it is a “technique” (I put quotes around it because it’s not exactly a technique) taught by the Indian holy man and sage Ramana Maharshi — as the kind of distillation of the wisdom of advaita (that means “non-dual”) Vedanta. Vedanta is the Hindu mystical tradition, and it basically states that life’s deep pain and confusion is due to the wrong idea that we have about ourselves. We believe we are individuals living in a world. We are not. We are actually the awareness within which these thoughts appear.

If we look deeply into our own mind — and in particular the sense of “I” — we can find this truth for ourselves, and it is a truth that goes beyond words. This investigation will yield a freedom that is not supernatural but is not ordinary either. It will not give you magical and mystical powers, but will give you something better: it will reveal a liberation and a peace beyond words.

Now there are a few different reasons this might be appealing. The obvious one is suffering. Everyone wants to be happy. Well, the real happiness is not to be found out in the world. According to the Hindus, desire is a kind of hamster wheel. The more of it you have, the more of it you will have. You will either get what you want, in which case you’ll keep wanting more, or else you won’t get what you want. Either way you’ll stay dissatisfied.

Find your true nature and you’ll see that happiness is not out there but is your very essence.

The other big thing that people are looking for is truth of existence. What is life, what are we, what is all this here for, why does evil exist, etc. The problem is that any normal answer to these questions can be debated. How can we possibly know if it’s true or not?

Self-inquiry also reveals an answer to this question that is beyond doubt. That is because it is not a normal answer. It is the revelation of something beyond words, something which cannot be doubted, something which cannot fully be explained. It will set your doubts to rest, and give you satisfaction on these existential questions, not by answering them exactly, but by dissolving the frame of reference within which they made sense.

Finally, whether you call it truth or happiness or something else, the people attracted to the spiritual do usually have a sense that there is something more to life than what is on the surface, that this can’t be all there is. That is certainly true, or rather, it turns out that all there is is quite different than what we think it to be.

Self-inquiry is part of a larger spiritual path

Self-inquiry does not work in isolation. The ancient Hindus had a host of requirements for would-be seekers being taught the deep spiritual knowledge. They wanted someone who already had the ability to distinguish between the transient and the permanent, who understood the world would not provide him with happiness, who had concentration and faith and wasn’t too involved with pleasures and was patient and had an intense desire for spiritual liberation. Very few in fact had all these qualities prior to being instructed, and such a high bar is too high for our time and culture.

There is in fact a key requirement for self-inquiry, and that is a quiet mind. A quiet mind is a mind that is not overrun with distracting thoughts and which can therefore concentrate on the meditative practice of self-inquiry. The mind need not be perfectly quiet — that’s not even possible — just quiet enough.

In my experience what is required to get there is two-fold: a good intellectual framework for the spiritual journey and being honest about what you want.

The intellectual framework can be attained by reading scriptures and books by the masters — I recommend scriptures in the Hindu Vedantic tradition, including the Bhagavad Gita, Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi, and the Yoga Vasistha. I also recommend my own book, How to Find What Isn’t Lost, as a kind of modern integration, synthesis, and introduction to all these.

Then one asks a qualified teacher questions to iron out doubts (a qualified teacher is one with whom you feel peace and who can answer your questions). You have to be convinced that spiritual liberation is possible and desirable. And you have to have some basic understanding of what that journey is about.

Then, you have to be honest about what you want. You can tell yourself you want spiritual liberation, but if you don’t, you won’t pursue it. Often we don’t pay attention to our actual feelings and instead tell ourselves a story about what we want, a flattering story, a story that perhaps our parents and society would like. Some of us tell ourselves that we’re ambitious when we are not, and would be happy with, say, a simple job that doesn’t pay much and isn’t particularly prestigious. Some of us tell ourselves we want to lose weight or quit smoking or whatever when we don’t.

Of course, it’s not quite that simple. We can certainly have conflicting desires. We might want to lose weight but also want to keep drinking lots of beer. But then we should be honest about that conflict. And we should attempt to synthesize that conflict at some higher level, find some action and way of thinking about things that respects all the voices within us.

This can be accomplished in a number of ways, some of which I set out in my book. Basically you go through a cycle of figuring out what you want, testing it in imagination or in action, and recording how you feel — often artistically, capturing how you feel as specifically and originally as you possibly can, in words, in drawing, or in whatever medium you prefer. You don’t have to be a great or even good artist — the point is the process of trying to get at what you’re feeling (not thinking, feeling).

The other terribly useful thing is therapy, but not just any therapy. Get psychoanalytic psychotherapy, or, better yet, psychoanalysis. These therapies take time, money, and effort, and they go deep — they are not quick fixes for particular symptoms, but help bring your unconscious tendencies to light and heal them through the powerful relationship you have with the therapist. To find a good therapist, go to the website of the International Psychoanalytic Association, look up a training institute near you, and contact them for more information. Or contact me if you’re having trouble with this process.

The point is that you need to have dealt enough with your emotions, be honest enough with yourself, and have dealt enough with past trauma, that your mind is reasonably focused. Without that, you will not be able to proceed effectively with self-inquiry.

Now, to the technique

The basic technique is simple.

You know that "I am" right now, right? It's obvious. Well, how do you know it? Where is that feeling coming from? Try to find out where in your experience it is coming from, this certainty that you are. Start in your body. Just like if someone asked you where you were feeling cold, and you searched your experience and said "Oh, my feet are feeling cold." In the same way, ask about the feeling of the "I" that you somehow know with certainty.

And every time you think you know where it's coming from, the rule is that you must ask yourself if you are aware of that thing which you think is the source of the I. If you are, you haven't found the real source yet. So you keep going

If, for example, you say "It's coming from my head" -- well, ask yourself "Well, I am aware of the feeling and sight of my head, right?" Notice that. So where is the "I" that is aware of the head? It's not coming from the head -- it is aware of it. So where is the I feeling? It's just like you notice that there is light in a room, and you're looking for the source of the light. Is it coming from this chair? No. The chair is lit up by something else. Is it coming from that table? Same deal. So keep searching until you find the light bulb. You'll know it when you find it.

You can do it sitting for a set time at first, even just a few minutes, but eventually you must graduate to attempting it at all waking moments. In other words, you must inquire even when you are doing other things — walking, talking, studying, working.

Dedicate a small amount of attention to the task at hand, and meanwhile attempt to inquire. With practice you will be able to balance the two, but put the greater focus on inquiry. If you are worried that you won’t work as well, or won’t work at all, inquire into who has that question/feeling/problem. Ultimately self-inquiry does not exactly require you to give up work, but it may require you to realize that you’re not really the one who decides what work to do.

Be assured that the work that needs to get done will get done, regardless of your pursuit of self-inquiry. But what the work that needs to get done is — that may not be what you think it is.

A little theory

A little interlude for theory. What’s going on here? What is self-inquiry attempting to achieve? Briefly, the mind is a set of thoughts which you can think of like a set of filters. Each filter changes the color a bit more. So there’s originally white light — that’s the light of the true, original Self.

Then upon waking there is the thought “I am.” That’s the first filter the light passes through. That’s what gives the possibility of having experiences — there has to be a separation between “I” and that which “I” experience. Without that thought “I am,” that couldn’t happen.

Next, the light passes through other filters of identity. “I am” then touches the mind, the senses, thoughts. No need to be too rigid or scientific about this. These are all connected. It’s not like there’s a particular sequence in which all these necessarily happen.

The important point is that the “I am” thought then begins to associate itself with these other identities. It begins to think of itself as a body, as a person, as having relationships, as being a co-worker or a citizen or a mother or a father or having such-and-such personality and such-and-such likes and dislikes.

But these are all what are called superimpositions (overlays) on the original white light, which, in truth, has never been changed.

Now all of this is just a metaphor — it’s to be taken as a teaching but not too literally. The actual truth is beyond words.

The “I am” thought, which is, after all, just a thought, is painful and binding because of another invisible thought — it’s the ‘veiling’ thought. That is, the fact that the “I am” thought is itself merely a filter for the original pure light, is hidden. There is an invisible thought that ‘covers up’ the fact of the space within which thoughts occur. It hides that space. It hides the reflectivity of thought and perception — the fact that these are all things that occur to us.

Because the veiling thought of forgetfulness (in eastern philosophy it is called “ignorance”) hides the background from us, we take these identifications seriously. Actually, it is not even we who take them seriously; taking them seriously is also a thought. It’s a thought of taking things seriously.

Anyhow, it is this “I am” thought which has gone through all these filters and which sustains itself that is taken seriously because we cannot see its background because of the veiling thought. We are tracing back the “I am” thought back through the all the various filters to its origin in that first filter.

And if we examine it like that, we will ultimately find that it is just a thought. That’s the purpose of self-inquiry. When we see that the “I am” is just a thought, we will see that it’s a filter. If we see that it’s just a filter, then we cannot help but see what it is a filter for. We will then see through the veiling thought and have a glimpse of the fact that the normal “I” is a lie; that what we are is in fact not subject to its limits. We will have a glimpse of the background of the “I,” which is our true Self. In that there is silence, bliss, and peace, and questions do not bother us anymore.

And then usually we’ll fall back, due to habits of mind, into our own old pattern of seeing things. But with repeated effort, it will become easier and easier to stay in the real truth. The real truth is so sweet and free that we gradually stop pursuing the old mental habits, which are based around desires for various things. These desires are based on our limited identification — the thought “I am a person.” Those desires are seen to be painful, even the pleasant ones, because they draw us away from the bliss of our true Self, which is available to us at all times if we can stop distracting ourselves from it.

Those thoughts which connect us to our old identity will fade away. Eventually it will become effortless, and we will stop falling back. The piercing of the veil of ignorance will be accomplished.

All these are just words. You will have to see for yourself what it is actually like.

Another way of looking at it is that it is like those illusion cubes that change shape depending on how you look at them. If you look at the lower middle corner, you can make it change perspective. The “I” is like this corner; it is the point where, if focus is pointed, the perspective can be shifted.

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You are already what you seek

The idea of self-inquiry is that you are already what it is that you seek. The belief that you are a person, and all the desire-based thoughts, feelings, and actions based on that deeply-ingrained belief — those are the problem. They hide the fact of your true nature. They distract you from an underlying, constant peace.

So the question is how to get rid of those distractions. The answer is that you stop paying attention to them. And that happens over time. When you put in effort to inquire, you will eventually start to touch the real Self. It will be sweet enough that it will eventually become quite easy to stay there rather than allowing the mind to go chase so-called happiness elsewhere.

The basic stages of self-inquiry are a looking into the “I” feeling through the body and then into the mind; then a feeling that one cannot go any further… a kind of impasse. You might see that you are the witness of your thoughts, but not be able to go any further. But the idea that you are a witness is also not true. Are you not aware of being the witness? Yes. Then that fact cannot be you. The witness is just an idea. You cannot be an idea. You are that which is aware of all ideas.

Then you keep trying, keeping the focus on the I, keep going and going, looking with an intensely curious and inquisitive mind: “Who is this I?” It’s not a verbal question that you repeat mechanically like some parrot — it’s an intense inner searching attention, not resting with content with any specific answer. Someone is aware even of the impasse. You look for that someone.

Eventually the penny will drop, the light bulb will be revealed, and you’ll experience what I call the spacious mind — it’s a kind of inversion where what you thought was the “I” actually turns out to be on the inside of the true Self. Everything reveals itself to be perfect and effortless.

If there is peace and clarity then, there will at this point be no question of what to do next. There will simply be peace and clarity.

This is in fact, simply put, the Truth of your being. This is your real Self.

But what will usually happen then is that you will seem to be dragged back before you even know it by your thoughts, your old identity, the old distractions.

You’ll have to repeat the inquiry process over and over to “get back” to the spacious mind, and every time it will get slightly easier. What are you doing? Each time you touch the spacious mind you are re-recognizing the illusion.

At a certain point you will have burned enough of the old habits away that you won’t come back, that your perspective will have been permanently altered.

Another way of looking at that fact is to ask yourself: who is it that keeps going into the spacious self and coming back? Is that you?

A curious, open looking is what self-inquiry ultimately requires. See what is actually there. It requires, however, some time and practice.

Now, for some frequently asked questions

What now? What to do now?

Sometimes you arrive at a point — perhaps it’s an impasse, perhaps you think it’s the spacious mind — and ask “What now?” This can take many forms. You could be asking how you should be integrating the spiritual into life, or expressing dissatisfaction because you expected more peace, more happiness.

Any of these kinds of questions are signs that inquiry is not over. To whom are all these thoughts occurring?

If you feel dissatisfaction or else a burdensome sense of having to make difficult decisions and not knowing where to turn, inquire to whom all these feelings and thoughts occur.

It just seems like nothing.

This too is a thought, usually after some inquiry has happened and it seems like it’s eliminated everything as the I. What remains? Sometimes it seems like nothing.

This is a dissatisfying thought that must be inquired into. Who says “it” just seems like nothing?

It isn’t satisfying. Where’s the happiness/peace?

Yet again this is another dissatisfying thought that must be inquired into. Only when these thoughts are purged will the satisfying nature of the Self shine. But it cannot be grasped after; only by letting go (or inquiring into the I, which comes to the same thing) can it be. And it will not be you, meaning your mind, which grasps it. When the mind through self-inquiry involuntarily releases its grasp — it is then grasped.

Only, in other words, a quiet mind will enjoy the peace of the Self, but it will not be the kind of peace about which it can say “I am peaceful.” As soon as it thinks that, the peace is gone. Simply bow your head and in the reverential Presence of Awe, allow what is to be.

How can I work while doing self-inquiry?

If this really bothers you, you can perform karma yoga, which will help quiet your mind so that you can do self-inquiry. Do your work as normal, but simply dedicate their results to God or to the Universe. Let go of the results. Perform the actions with the thought, “I am actually not doing these actions.”

Meanwhile, do self-inquiry during a set time of day.

Later, however, you must graduate to trying to do self-inquiry at all times, and what work happens will happen. When the mind is silent, it does not worry about these questions. The one who worries about work must be inquired into. This is the only real solution to this problem.

Who is to make decisions while I am self-inquiring?

Initially you can try to make decisions and then inquire into who is making them, but ultimately, you will have to inquire into who it is that believes that they have to make decisions and that they are the ones capable of making them. Are you really the decision-maker? Only sustained self-inquiry will give you the answer to that question.

Is self-inquiry the same as abiding in awareness?

There seems to be a technique that some people talk about where they try to ‘stay’ as awareness. The reality is that you cannot stay as awareness; that is just a thought. You are awareness. Still, any concentration practice can be useful, so do that if you believe it helps. The important thing eventually is to ask yourself who it is thinks that they are abiding in awareness? Who is it that is making the decision to act like that? “I am,” right? And who is that I?

What about surrender?

Self-inquiry and surrender are complementary processes. Surrender is letting go of all your desire for things to be other than the way they are. Ultimately it is letting go of all effort and of all thinking.

You cannot fully surrender just by trying. You won’t be able to. But surrender even partially is very helpful. And it really simply is the flip side of self-inquiry, because eventually you will be forced to ask: who is surrendering? And what about surrendering surrender? What would that be like?

In parallel, self-inquiry automatically involves surrender. Because as you realize that you are not the doer of actions or the experiencer of the world — that you are not the person that you thought you were — then the thinker, the body, and all the desires connected with those identities will be automatically surrendered, since they make no sense anymore.

Why look for the ‘I’ instead of the observer?

Looking for the observer is helpful up to a point. One could ask, for instance, “Who is aware that you are aware?” This is quite similar to self-inquiry.

My problem with this is that the awareness that we know in our waking state is a conditioned awareness. True awareness operates even in deep sleep. It is simply that it is aware of a state of nothingness at that time, a state of pure forgetfulness. By looking only for the observer, we tend to associate ourselves with the waking observer.

Also, the point of self-inquiry is to destroy the structures of our ignorance and our identification with the wrong entities. All of that is located around the “I.” By inquiring into the I we then are able to penetrate our wrong understanding of it and destroy and burn that structure.

Inquiring into the observer does not have the same effect. Inquiring into the observer can be useful, but ultimately the I goes beyond what we think of as the observer.

Still, do what works for you. If this technique works better for you and is more intuitive, I give you permission to use it. And if it goes stale, you can then take up self-inquiry.

What about seeing lights, strange sensations, bizarre hallucinations, etc. that occur during self-inquiry?

This is one of the reasons I like to recommend psychoanalytic therapy to seekers. Always good to have someone on your side who is objective and can help you through some of this stuff. A spiritual teacher or coach can perform this function too.

Though particularly if you have a history or family history of mental illness, it is important to have a therapist to keep you grounded.

Otherwise, however, inquire into what each such experience is. The fruit of self-inquiry is not an experience. Experiences happen between subjects (the “I”) and objects (what the “I” experiences). The truth about who you are is not an experience like this. It is not a magical, mystical, mind-bending awesome experience, though that may or may not happen at points during the search. It is not thunder and lightning. And yet it is not ordinary. It cannot be put into words. It will not tell you anything specific. It will not speak at all. It will not tell you about the nature of God or the universe or anything like that. It will simply be — the holy silence of your being. You will know it; or rather, it will know itself by itself.

How will I know when I’m done?

When this question no longer makes any sense.

I have a question that isn’t on here. What do I do?

Contact me.

In aligning your desires, beware the shiny and seemingly attractive

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One of the key steps for seekers is to obtain a quiet mind, and, unlike the traditional method of renouncing all desire, I advocate that people be honest about what they want and pursue it. Of course, this is easier said than done. You might be reluctant to recognize what you actually want because your family or society would disapprove, because you’re afraid of rejection or failure or success, or for any number of other reasons. This is why finding out what you actually desire is an iterative process: you imagine or try something, express how you feel, and if it doesn’t feel quite right, adjust the idea. And you do this again and again. And good psychoanalytic therapy can be very useful for this too.

This whole process of refining and understanding what you want, which I call the “science of desire,” is completely different from just asking yourself what you want and accepting whatever answer comes to mind. This is the problem with questions that appear in self-help books like “What would you do if you had unlimited money?” Often the answers that come to mind when we ask ourselves such questions are totally wrong.

This is because we can be very easily deceived by what we think we want. Often shiny ideas like money or prestige sound good. “Of course I want that!” we seem to say to ourselves. “A beautiful, office, lots of money, tons of respect as an investment banker, a job where I’d be working on high-profile corporate deals that will change the world? Sign me up!”

This is all very superficial. The actual work and settings and people involved in that kind of job, for example, may be extremely different than that shiny TV-ad-idea you have of it. This is why actual experience of the job, talking to people, getting real data, is so important. The guts, the flesh of the thing, has to be understood as well as possible, and that has to be evaluated as to its emotional resonance, not the top-line surface of it.

So next time you’re evaluating something, beware of shiny summary. Look beneath the hood to what the option actually involves in all its muscle and blood, try that, experience that, and then see how you feel, and re-evaluate if necessary.

The habit of thinking of what to do next is hard to break.

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The habit of thinking in terms of what to do next is hard to break. Your true sole job is to relax and reside in peace at all times, bar none. For no reason and nothing should exception be made. That is the true vocation of the human being. Through that all else gets done, without his or her knowledge.

Doing nothing, the sage does all, Lao Tzu says.

When trying to relax, anxious thoughts sometimes arise: “I’m staying inactive too long! When will I wake up and do things? Time’s running. Ok, enough relaxation, now I’ve really got to get up and do!” And then the further questions: “When will I do? What will I do? How will I do it?” And on and on and on.

As soon as you touch thought, the entire architecture of the maze lights up. Notice the wording here; if you touch thought. If thought occurs spontaneously, impersonally, that is fine. That is, if it happens despite your utter calm, as an involuntary spasm!

There’s no one then there to suffer the consequences. (Not, of course, that there ever really is.)

Only when utterly, insouciantly unconcerned with even the next second, let alone the next minute or hour, can real action — action whose source is the mysterious and the creative and the playful — take place.

On motiveless motivation

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If there is a seeing-through of the idea that we are the ones in charge of our lives, that there is indeed anyone “at home” to make decisions, and anyone “at home” to enjoy (or suffer) their consequences, the mind becomes very quiet, very silent. After all, the motivation to think arises chiefly from desire — and not just any desire, but rather desire which arises from the identification of ourselves with the imaginary entity called a person.

Actually, that’s the only thing which is normally called desire at all.

What happens in place of this if the mind is quiet? Well, it depends on who you ask. For the ‘person’ whose mind is quiet, nothing can be said to be happening at all! What happens when you’re distracted, when you’re not paying attention — in that moment, do you notice what goes on around you? No, you do not. So what is the experience of the world like when you’re not paying attention to it? The non-egoic ‘state’ is like that.

And yet from the ‘outside’ standpoint, the mind and body seem to continue to act. But what motivates them to act? And the answer is that something beyond normal identity-based desire motivates them. Something else. Something that we can call non-egoic desire if we like, but it’s really not like desire at all. It’s something else. It doesn’t do, think, or feel because it wants something. It does — why? Because — unclear. It just does. For its own inscrutable reasons.

Its motivation is motiveless.

In fact, only this motiveless motivation is ever in operation — even in ‘egoic’ motivation.

The pure intellect -- a contradiction in terms

Surrender is an action non-action. It is a refraining from action. It is a not picking up of the mind. It is a refraining, hands up, a backing away.

It cannot be defined what it is. it is not a doing. It is not a refraining from action. It is not a not picking up of the mind. These all would suggest that there is a someone or something which chooses to do something, even if that doing is a not doing. Yet there is a choice, but there is not a choice. The choice consists in knowledge, but knowledge is not a choice, not a doing.

There is a choice from one side, and that choice leads to another side, a side where there are no sides.

Sri Ramana Maharshi spoke of the idea that the ego even of knowers rose up (jnanis), but that it was blunt, broken, burned up, harmless, because the jnani’s attention was fixed so solidly on the Self or source of thoughts, of mind. Yet is the attention indeed fixed? What does it mean for attention to be fixed on the Self, which is not a something, not an object, not a dimension of attention? It might be said to be withdrawn from the objects of the mind and world, but who is so withdrawn? Would not that “it” also be an object?

It could be claimed that the Self in this case is actually the pure intellect, the subtle sattva (the reflective quality of awareness), but as Ramana Maharshi also said, such a pure intellect is effectively the pure, absolute Self, like two mirrors reflecting each other. These kinds of verbal formulations are concessions to the language of ignorance, which must conceive even the absolute in its limited, dualistic terms.

Enlightenment is itself a piece within a larger Puzzle

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But after all, who knows, and who can say
Whence it all came, and how creation happened?
The gods themselves are later than creation,
so who knows truly whence it has arisen?

Whence all creation had its origin,
he, whether he fashioned it or whether he did not,
he, who surveys it all from highest heaven,
he knows — or maybe even he does not know.
— Nasadiya Sukta in the Rig Veda

 

One lesson on which all schools of spirituality agree is that nothing on Earth is worthwhile for its own sake. All goals, however grand, are limited. They cost pain to get and if gotten are always in danger of being lost. Eventually they are lost, and then more is desired again. This is a hamster wheel and a fool's game. When this is realized, the basis of motivation must change.

Even the “magical" and the “divine” are just words, and can never serve as a true basis for long-term, sustained action in the world. The mind cannot truly conceive the meaning of these words, and so converts them into more limited, dead things.

Curiosity is the key

What, then, is the basis for enlightened action in the world? What is there to act for and why?

No thing can suffice. And enlightenment is, indeed, the recognition of the not-a-thing that is our own self. We are, of course, not even the doer. And yet this question arises...

For there remains -- in the very fullness, in the very completeness of our true Self -- a delicious, delightful, strange and colorful incompleteness.

What is the nature of this incompleteness? Where did it come from and what is its point?

The more we ask such questions, the more we realize the fact of our confusion. That confusion is not weak or harmful. On the contrary. it is the one true, durable motivation. It is the other side of the coin of enlightenment, that which accepts the necessary limitation of life and in fact feeds on it: curiosity.

It's all about The Puzzle

Life is a deep well of mystery and while enlightenment points to our true nature as total peace, it does not resolve this mystery.

We don't know the name or nature of this Mystery. Its name is its heart, its unsolved Question. We simply know that, deep within us, it calls to us.

It is a Puzzle, it is a Wonder, and whatever name we put to it never quite captures it. The name is dead as soon as it is spoken, for the reality changes instantly, constantly. We think it is here, and try to catch it, but it turns out it was over there the whole time. It moves endlessly without seeming to have moved at all. This is the game we are all playing, and when it is recognized as a game, it becomes fun.

Two paths to putting the jigsaw pieces together: wider and deeper

We cannot fully win this game. In fact, what we want is to be puzzled more and more deeply, more and more delightfully. And that requires finding answers which are themselves doorways to more intricate questions. It's like a video game with an infinite number of levels.

There are two ways of playing this game.

One is lateral: it connects various disciplines. Bring the humanities together, the sciences together, the arts together, and then connect all the insights of these different domains with each other. The entire experience of the entire human race must eventually connect and show a bigger piece of the Picture.

The other is vertical. We must each go deeper and deeper into our own specific viewpoint, our own precious and utterly unique individuality. How do we do this? We express what it is like to experience our experiences so accurately and originally that others can feel the way we feel. We at least try. All of us have exclusive access to our own story, to our own memories, and they are a fund of answers -- not just for ourselves, but for everyone. We all have the duty and pleasure of being artists.

Answers are just questions in disguise

The entire task of human knowledge and wisdom and creation is to help us piece together this strange Puzzle, this Thing which we all want to desperately know. What is that Thing? What is its meaning? This is the heart of the heart of what we don't know.

Every revelation leads us to greater clarity and greater mystery. That's the frustrating joy of the chase. There is an infinite unfolding of the unknown into the known, and that into the even more unknown.

It is to speak, and by speaking, to see, more of the infinite facets of the Question that is the real task. We are pushing against the limits...deeper and deeper, subtler and subtler.

The truth is stranger than we can possibly imagine. That strangeness is God; that strangeness is our true Self. We are it and we wish to see it. We are unlimited, and so unlimited that we are capable of limitation. And within the folds of these paradoxes there lies nestled the Question.

The Problems with The Power of Now

The Problems with The Power of Now

Eckhart Tolle is one of the leading people converting the exciting findings of nonduality into boring, syrupy, non-intellectual crap. True, he says many things that are correct and, for some people, no doubt useful. Yes, his overall message is probably fine, like some processed cereal is fine.

But overall, his blandness, his confusion of categories, his poor thinking and lazy analysis of important texts... it's all so boring. Like a copy of a copy of a copy, it is tired, mixed-up, and cliched. 

I'm practically put to sleep by The Power of Now, the book that, Oprah-assisted, catapulted him to Deepak-Chopra (I have problems with Deepak, too, which I'll get to another day) levels of stardom. 

What are its problems? Many, but I'll limit my findings to a key few.